i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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