and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
smell my finger.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
