I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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