Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
