VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
