went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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