Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
