The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
