I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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