Pappa wants mamma naked
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
