Just cropdusted the office
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
