This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
