Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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