I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
