She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
