I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
