Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
