the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
