I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
