I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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