It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
