Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
