well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
