you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
