Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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