It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
