i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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