the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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