Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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