I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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