dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
