I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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