And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
