I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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