So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
