Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
