i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
