apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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