sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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