Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
