i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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