I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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