I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize