He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
