I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
