I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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