my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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