tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
