Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
