i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
