tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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