the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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