i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
