ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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