im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
