I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
