Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
