I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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