I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
