hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
