I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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