oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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