never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found your dick twin last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
