as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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