Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
