and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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