he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We're too hungover to prance.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
