Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
