Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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