no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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