I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
