she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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