They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
