Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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