And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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