I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
