I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
