We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
