our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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