Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
