U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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