she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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