you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
