This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
