can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
