Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
