I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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