Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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