The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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