it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
