He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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